Monday, September 18, 2006

The Gods Must Be Crazy

Its that time of the year again ! Statues drinking milk, Gods turning salty sea water into sweet nectar , which when drunk by the faithful helps them attain moksha ( thereby cutting short the reincarnation cycle and nobody need worry anymore about being born a dog in their next life ). Relax folks, this is 21st Century India.

Isnt it a pitiful sight? Priests coming on prime time television and arguing about how much milk each one's God has drunk.( Hey, your God was not smacking his lips after drinking the milk, milk was leaking down the statue, whereas my God , hungry chap that he was , gulped down the whole bottle . He even had a handful of Prasad for good measure ).

Whats so special about milk? Does anyone know what kind of milk was served? Was it "shuddh gaayi ka doodh" or Amul , Milma or some other packaged variety ? In "War of the Worlds" , the thing that downed the aliens was mere bacteria. How could the Divine intestines have coped with the bacteria ( or God forbid , plain old 'nal ka pani' that the local doodhwala may have used to increase the quantity ). Did any of the temples have attached bathrooms?

The ancient texts tell us about Som rasa which all Gods were reportedly fond of. Probably Som rasa is white and Gods mistook milk for this divine liquid ( Gods being Supreme Beings can hardly be expected to be concerned with the details - especially minute ones like the composition of any liquids they may suddenly decide to consume ).

Hey wouldnt it be fun if there were really Hindu Gods and Muslim Gods. Muslim God turns sea water sweet. The Hindu Gods ( or was it only Ganesha, the pot bellied one ) decide to go one up and try and finish all the milk. But then they get caught offguard. All the media channels focussing on their mouths, keeping count of exactly how many drops have gone down which throat. Cant say I blame the Gods for stopping their drinking - wouldnt you be uncomfortable partaking food if a thousand pair of eyes were trained on you and there was live commentary going on ( Here 5 drops have gone down, there first drop has reached the throat whereas in that temple having 2 metre statue of Ganesha, the priest had to order for fresh supplies of milk ). Iam sure Ganesha said to himself ( sheesh, these guys, not even letting a thirsty chap have a small drink , and me having to sit like this all year round, watching the priest gobble the prasad and blaming it on me. Oh well , let things quieten down and I will have my next drink then ).

And we all wait eagerly for the next wave of insanity to sweep us off our feet.

No comments: