Friday, December 22, 2006

A New Year Resolution For Mr Big Mouth

Mr Big Mouth.A name given to me by a close friend recently ( We shall call that friend X for the purpose of this post ).And I am ashamed to admit, I deserve that name. Mesmerised by the sound of mine own voice ( no sin, when blessed with such a divine voice and keen intellect to boot, one might argue :P ), I have been guilty of speech without thought.

"C for Control", was my classmate Liju's formula. I have been sadly remiss in following this excellent advice.Its one thing to be funny , quite another to be cruel.

I resolve above all to follow this quote, in letter as well as spirit:

"When someone blushes with embarrassment, when someone carries away an ache, when something sacred is made to appear common, when someone's weakness provides the laughter, when profanity is required to make it funny, when a child is brought to tears, or when everyone can't join in the laughter, it's a poor joke"
Cliff Thomas

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Till Death Do Us Part

Sanjeev looked at Sandhya and smiled. Her eyes held that look of infinite tenderness. His hands caressed her, gently sliding through her tresses. "Till Death Do Us Part", he murmured gently into her ear. She smiled her agreement.Then and there Sanjeev decided that come what may, Sandhya would become his.


Sanjeev breathed a silent prayer. His mind was made up. But he would need the last ounce of his courage to do what he had decided must be done. He saw Shyam coming out of the office. That sight helped him expel the last doubts from his mind. His fingers clutched the knife he held in his right hand more tightly. He advanced towards Shyam.


Sandhya looked down at the dead body of Shyam. Her husband. She looked up at Sanjeev. His eyes had a hint of guilt.She understood. Nothing had prepared Sanjeev for what happened next. He recoiled from the sight of the hate and terror pouring out of her eyes. In that instant he realized he had lost for ever the one woman he had ever loved. How tragic that it was Shyam's death that had parted them.


The courtroom was silent. The Counsel for the Prosecution and Defence had concluded their arguments. The crowd was awaiting the judgement. Judge Sandhya pronounced : "The prosecution has been unable to prove the charges against the defendant beyond reasonable doubt.I therefore declare the defendant acquitted and order him freed with immediate effect".The courtroom erupted.


They were at Sandhya's house. She had poured him a drink of Vodka and Orange Juice , his favourite. The orange juice was sour, it had made the drink bitter. He wrinkled his lips in distaste. But at last it was all over. Sandhya still loved him. It was getting late. He could hear Sandhya as he fought the drowsiness , "Luckily , no one knew about our relationship. Otherwise I could never have tried your case. I loved you , you know. But I loved my Shyam too. Thats why I decided you will be mine. I would never give you up to the police. No, you will die by my hand, killed by the poison I have mixed in your drink".

Monday, December 18, 2006

And The Die Is Now Cast

"If I were to try to read, much less answer, all the attacks made on me, this shop might as well be closed for any other business. I do the very best I know how - the very best I can; and I mean to keep doing so until the end. If the end brings me out all right, what is said against me won't amount to anything. If the end brings me out wrong, ten angels swearing I was right would make no difference." - Abraham Lincoln.

Life is full of tough choices. Tomorrow I make mine. Let me rephrase that - I made the decision a long time back. Tomorrow I need to see it through.

"Itni shakthi hamein dena daata
Man ka vishwaas kamjor ho na
Hum chale nek rasthe pe humse
Bhool kar bhi koi bhool ho na"

Sunday, December 17, 2006

A Trip To Vizag

A teammate at office was getting married ( one more poor soul sacrificed at the altar of marriage , tsk tsk ) in Vizag, so 3 of us decided to make the trip. I preferred a train since it was a long time I last made an overnight journey by train ( not since my days in Bhutan ).And so it happened that we booked 3 berths on the Prasanthi Express departing Bangalore at 2:30 pm.

On the day we were to start, I decided to confirm the train timings. I looked at the printed ticket and to my surprise found that there was no departure time printed, just a bland message, "Train timings changing from Dec 1st. Pls confirm exact timings". A wise guy at the office remarked that the new departure time was 10:30 am , which of course was not very good news considering it was already 11am ( Turns out Mr Wise Guy was looking at the booking time printed at the bottom of the ticket ...duhhh!!! make that Mr Dumb Ass ). A frantic 15 minutes later ( spent in dialling countless Railway nos, which were all engaged, and surfing the Net ) we confirmed with a sigh of relief that the timings for our train were unchanged.

We started from our office around 1pm ( after applying for the half day *Sick* leave , heh heh ) , and reached Bangalore City Rly Stn around 2:15 after an uneventful journey ( barring the changing of autos because our auto ran out of fuel, the mad rush through traffic with our backpacks slung on etc etc , you know , the usual stuff that just seems to happen whenever I start on a long journey). The nick of the time arrival meant a change in our original plan ( no Vodka + Sprite mix to be taken on board ) :(.

The train chugged off at 2:30 pm and no sooner were we out of Bangalore City limits than I had a surprise. A momentary digression while I give you a lesson in Biology. You will ofcourse be aware there are 3 kinds of people - men , women and the hijaras. My early encounter with hijaras was during my days in Delhi, where I looked on in amusement as they came to our houses, sang some songs , collected money and left. Being then at the tender age of 12, I did not fathom the mysteries hidden behind these singing aunties. Now however, I was a fully grown male (hold your horses , I never said grown mind :P ) capable of understanding the weird ways God ( always assuming there is one) worked.

To continue ( Editor's note: Get a move on please , we have a story to finish here ) , I looked on with a slight amount of distaste and increasing horror as hordes of these wonderful people descended on our compartment and started patting cheeks , thighs etc trying to cajole money out of our miserly hands. I will spare you the gory details but suffice it to say I held on ( nay , not a 50 paisa coin out of my hands ). Was that a cheer I heard? And now a tip for the inexperienced - the trick is to remain completely indifferent. Dont show loathing , dont be angry, in short dont do anything...just continue doing whatever you are doing ( this last proved difficult in our case - we were playing cards and one of the hijaras tried to run away with the cards we were playing with ) . Anyway , you get the idea.

An exciting 24 hours later we were in Vizag. The marriage was at 1am. We spent the time lolling around the beach, going on board the Navy submarine 'Kursura' and downing a few beers. We went to sleep at 10:30pm, woke up at 12:30 am and attended the marriage function. ( Got a few photos to prove the fact.Agreed,I dont look in prime form in the pics, but then beer + power nap is hardly the formula for a smooth, rosy complexion ).

The official reason out of the way, it was time for a blast in Vizag. Unfortunately , we had only 24 hours for the same. Our travel plan had been planned beforehand by experts. The idea was to make a trip to Arukku valley - around 130 kms from Vizag . On the way , we dropped in on Bora caves. Really amazing place, such a huge cave. There is even a Shiva linga there ( which we decided to give the go by , not being the religious type ) , but the Vizag trip was worth it just for the caves itself ( and oh yes, the marriage too ) .

Arukku valley is another 30 kms from Bora caves. On reaching there , the driver informed that there is only a waterfall and a garden to be seen there ( Now you tell us !!! ). The problem was the waterfall was 4kms away , and the road was not fit for a bullock cart, much less for a car. The garden we had decided wasnt worth spending an hour on. So guess what we did? Bingo, you are right. Headed straight for the AP Tourism resort to drown our sorrows at missing the waterfall in a couple of beers.

We reached Vizag back around 6, then only had time for a short visit to the Kailash something something ( This is atop a peak and offers a bearthtaking view of the beach ). After that there was only time enough for a couple of beers and dinner and then we hit the sack. Back to Namma Bengaluru after another encounter with those exotic beings on the train.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Love Found...and Lost

I knew she liked me, her eyes told me as much
If I messed up,would I get another chance such
Put my best foot forward, make the best impression
Just smile at her, hold in check my passion

We were made for each other , or so I thought
Every time we shared a joke or playfully fought
She was more than a pretty face, that I say
God just make her mine I did pray

I loved her truly, with all my heart
She was one in a million , the pick of the lot
Girls have come, and girls have gone from my life
She was something special, the one to be my wife

O! What dreadful surprises are held for us by Fate
In the journey to her heart, I arrived years late
Nobody told me the race was on
I started too late , the prize was gone

My heart broke into pieces, a thousand and one
Consoled by the wise man hearing his sermon
Why should for the loss of one I so pine
She who never did love me,she was never mine

I hold no bitterness in my heart, certainly none at her
For the foolishness of my heart , how can I blame one so fair
Be happy , wherever and whomever with you are
Iam peaceful, when I see you smile, from afar

Monday, December 04, 2006

God Has a Sense of Humour

Our hero was a quiet chap, a real romantic at heart
He was but Average looking , and not quite so smart
Believe you me, when I say it was Love at First Sight
Into his Dark world, had come this Goddess with Light

Now Our Hero was shy, one who used his tongue but to taste
He gaped at her, and stared, but didnt show any haste
One month passed, and one more , and still he pined
Watching her talk to others,jealousy on his heart dined

At last he mustered the courage, asked her out
She said sorry , but her brother had the gout
He offered his sympathies, suggested a doctor
She kept a straight face, nearly dying of laughter

Not one to take this setback lying down
Our Hero was ready to fight for the crown
For her Love was the prize he held dearest by Far
More than gold, more even than steak done medium rare

He had his plans ready - a resourceful chap - was this bloke
A candlelight dinner , then drop to his knees and, propose
Accordingly he told her "This Place I know , is the in thing"
She said, "Cmon buddy cant you guys just take a hint"

But let me end this tale, on a Note of Happiness
Its been said God's partial to fools and idiots
She stumbled on his blog, was fascinated by his sonnets
They have been married three years now, raising the triplets.

Saturday, December 02, 2006

The End of Tragedy Inc

Enough of tragedy , they cried. Why so much death, they asked? What could I say in response but this: "A true poet ( ahem, ahem) cannot but follow life. Life is not all hunky dory, in case you didnt notice. For those of you lucky enough to be alloted shares in the IPO of Utopia Co Pvt Ltd, its easy to say 'Be Happy'. For the rest of us, its not quite so straighforward". And so went my arguments. Enough to convince the most thick headed, you would have thought. But what place for arguments when emotions rule the roost. ( sighhh )

For the past few days , my Inbox has worn the look of a battlefield. I fought on gamely ,with only the strength of my convictions to egg me on. And would have gone on fighting till the end, if I had not been felled by a Brahmastra. Note how low the followers of Happiness can stoop to achieve their ends. They threatened to spam my Inbox with discount offers for books like "Learn to be Happy in 7 days", "Why Cry when you can Smile", "Be Happy or be Damned" , etc ( Gasp ! Gasp ! ) . I could have gone on fighting but my Will was broken. I then went ahead with the only option left before me. I pleaded for mercy and threw up my arms in surrender.

The terms of my surrender were such that would put The treaty of Versailles to shame. The salient features are given for your reference:

a)This treaty to be henceforth known as "The Terms of Agreement for the Dissolution of Tragedy Inc" and to be referred to as "The Treaty" hereafter.

b)The salient features of "The Treaty" to be provided on the blog of the CEO of Tragedy Inc.

c)Sachin to resign as CEO of Tragedy Inc ( after filing for protection under the Bankruptcy Act)

d)No new sob stories to be written by Sachin ( Clause 9.1.4-a provides for sad stories to be written during periods of extreme morbidness , provided the frequency of such does not exceed one every three months ) p.s : The old sob stories will still be readily accessible under the Label : "Short Story".

e)Sachin to listen to "Dont Worry Be Happy" every morning for 15 minutes ( Sob !!!!! )

The headline writers had a field day. "Tragedy King pleads for mercy", went one. "Sachin promises to laugh", screamed another.

As proof of my changed colours, I offer you the following story:

A Happy Story

Once upon a time there lived a young prince. He grew up into a charming young man. In due course he fell in love with a beautiful princess. After the usual love affair, they got married, had dozens of children and lived happily ever after .

Friday, December 01, 2006

April Fool !!!

At last , April 1st had arrived. Another April Fool's Day , only today it was not he who was going to be fooled, Ashish thought. The day held bitter memories for him. It was exactly one year before that Remya had told him she was going to marry someone else. The pressure from her parents had been too much, she said. At first he had thought it was a prank, she was making a fool out of him. Her earnest face soon convinced him otherwise.

And so they had decided to part. They had not seen each other since, not once talked over the phone. In two months she was married, her husband a doctor at the same hospital she worked.

His mind went over the happenings earlier in the day as he waited for Remya. Ashish had called the hospital and asked for Dr Remya. He had wrapped a kerchief around the phone to disguise his voice. When Remya came over the phone, he gave the address he was at and told her that a person had suffered a heart attack and no one there knew how to handle it. "And please hurry", he had added in a screeching voice, for good measure.

Nothing to do but wait now, Aashish thought. How would Remya react , he wondered, when she saw him after all this time. He could now hear the loud siren of the ambulance as it slowly threaded its way up the busy road. He smiled.

The ambulance stopped. Dr Remya and the attendants rushed out. Quite odd , Dr Remya thought. For a place where someone was dying,surrounded by a crowd presumably, this place is pretty quiet. The loud report of the gun took them by surprise. Remya rushed to the room from which the noise had come. She pushed open the door and rushed in. The sight that greeted her was like something from a movie. Ashish was lying on the ground, a bullet hole on his forehead, the pool of blood slowly expanding under his head.

Her hand automatically felt for the pulse. There was none.He had a tissue paper clutched in his hand. Shocked, still in a trance , Remya removed the paper and opened it. It had two words - 'April Fool'.