Liar Liar

Disclaimer: This is a true incident narrated as it happened. The conversation you hear is that spoken by a guy on his mobile phone - a guy who was my neighbour in the Volvo bus yeterday on the Calicut Bangalore route ( Didn’t know in my wildest dreams that such pompous idiots actually exist ). The comments in italics are my thoughts at the time. Since I did not have any intention of posting this on the blog at the time, some of the thoughts may be a bit lurid. Also as it gets late , my thoughts become more violent as I realize Iam not going to get the sleep I bargained for. Also the conversation was a whole lot longer, but this is all I remember today.

The bus had just started from Calicut , the lights have been dimmed and I am getting ready for a good night's sleep.This guy calls up his girlfriend on the phone and starts talking. I can only hear his side of the conversation.

"Hi , Iam on the bus"
So am I
"We have just started from Calicut. Whats with all these South Indians? The names they choose for their places - Malayalees, Tamils, Kannadas they are all the same."
Oh ho that’s rich coming from you Mr Snake-in-the-Grass Gujarati

"What are the others doing? Some of them are talking on their mobiles like myself, while others are dozing"
And a unfortunate few are trying to

"Hey Nisha, I saw your pic in your profile.Were you wearing any lens?No ? Oh so you have cat's eyes"
Tu bhi yaar. Cut the crap. Hmm Nisha. Nice name.

"Are you in the kitchen? I can hear the sound of utensils"
She is with her lover right now dumbhead and they are making love on the kitchen table
"Its raining again, heavily. It always does this. Thankfully it didn’t rain before I got on the bus. I don’t have an umbrella. I have found it often happens with me. When I want something to happen really badly , I just have to think it and it just happens"
Is this guy for real? Who does he think he is ? Welcome to God's Own Country O Exalted One.
"I don’t get angry at all. I mean when Iam getting angry, it means Iam handing over control of my feelings to someone else"
Not very original in our thoughts are we, Mr Wise Guy
"Hey you are breaking up"
Hooray. Perhaps the guy will take a hint and hang up

"Don’t worry. Let me cut and call you again"
Oh No there goes that hope. Maybe there will be no signal and I will be saved. Who am I kidding? Whats a poor mobile signal to a guy who controls the weather?

"Thank God, I got you. This paid one week vacation is really good. And the company doesn’t deduct it from my 27 days Annual leave either"
Good for you. Unfortunately, Iam not on paid leave, I need to go to office tomorrow.

At this point, Nisha decided to take matters into her own hands and cut the phone. May the Gods shower their choicest blessings on you , dear lady.

The rest of the night was spent fighting over the shared arm rest. Luckily for me , this guy never got angry , so things didn’t turn out too badly for me.