A Messenger From God

Its Sunday morning and Iam lolling around the bed in my friends' place. I usually am at my friends' place on weekends. Waking up at 10:30 and daydreaming in bed because you know its Sunday - as close to Nirvana as us lesser mortals can get.

Tringgg . The sound of the doorbell rudely interrupts me. Must be the house maid. I unwillingly pull myself up because my friends have not yet woken up, the lazy buggers. I go and open the door.

"Good Morning Sir", says this smart looking chap, carrying a book in his hands.

"Good Morning", I reply.

"Sir, can you spare me 5 minutes?".

Sure buddy all the time in the world for you, today Iam at peace with the world.

"Sir, this is my sister".

There is a girl with him. I look closely. And more closely still.This guy is of the kaarvarnan, colour , popularised by our Lord Krishna, while she is much fairer. However three bottles of Haywards 5000 the previous night and going to sleep without dinner, have left me waking up in no mood to ponder the profound mysteries of Life. So I decide to let it pass.

"Sir,for five minutes reflect that God has given you the power to change something that you feel is wrong with the world. What would you choose?"

A no-brainer , really. Poverty leaps to my mind.

"The one thing I would like most to change in this world is the poverty. The sight of half clad children, without any clothes..." , I stopped. I had just realized that other than a flimsy pair of shorts, I wasnt wearing anything else.

"Can you give me one minute?" , I manage to mutter.

"sure Sir", my readily agreeable friend nods.

I hurriedly went in and put on a Tshirt. Came back.

"Sir, like you mentioned earlier, try imagining a world without poverty". I try my best to look like Iam trying to imagine.

"How do you feel , Sir"?

"Very Happy".

"Good, now I will show you a picture of how such a world will look like?"

That said he shows me a picture of some happy looking people. Iam bit disconcerted to find only laughing Caucasian blondes. So doesnt God have any plans for us pagan Indians, I think? But his next statement clears all my doubts.

"Sir, if you see carefully, even animals are happy, not only humans". Surely if even animals are going to be happy, not to worry about Indians, savages though they may be.

"And one more thing, Sir, in this happy world, there will be no wicked people". Bingo , that means most of my friends will not make it, but a small price to pay for The Happy World.

"Sir, if you are free next week, I will have a friend come over and speak to you in detail".

"Thats alright , but I dont live here".

"Sir , if you can give me your address , I will ask my friend to come over to your place".

Bzzz , went a warning buzzer in my head. During Deepavali, Hindus have a custom of lighting their houses, hoping to attract Goddess Lakshmi, who would bring riches and wealth. But surely this was different. No riches here, only happiness.

"Tell you what, I will be here next week. Ask your friend to come over next week".

And so I wait with bated breath for the next Divine Message.

Just Another Day At The Office

He looked at the clock. Just one more hour to go. Only 60 minutes left to make his decision. And it was not a simple decision. Millions rested on his words. He could not make another mistake, not at this stage in his career.

He had learned enough from his father. No, he was not perfect, he would be the first to admit that. He had made mistakes, but that was alright as long as he learned from them.And this time he was going to succeed. He knew in his heart of hearts that he would make the right decision - these deadlines seemed to bring out the best in him.

Knock Knock. There was someone at the door. "Who's there", he cried irritably. His aide looked in and said,"Sir, they are here". "Yes ,yes, Iam coming". The aide closed the door. Click.Somehow the sound of that click seemed to clear his thoughts. He knew what had to be done. His mind was made up. With firm steps, he made his way to the room they were all waiting in.

President George W Bush beamed into the television cameras."My fellow Americans",he said, "Tomorrow , we march into Iran".

Kim Jong-il ,Dictator of North Korea was listening in to the live broadcast on CNN. CNN was still beamed across to the Presidential Palace, just not accessible in the rest of the country. Someone needs to know the truth, Kim would always jokingly say. "Whew", he murmured to his Vice President, "that was close".

Stop Bathing Dude

Ever found yourself facing a date and no time to take bath. So you just sprayed on your favourite deodrant. Well, you just broke Rule No 1 of the Modern Day kamasutra.

For all those would-be lovers, never quite able to attract the fairer sex, heres some good news to attract their attention err nose. Read on.

Come to think of it, this is not just good news for all those jilted guys, but may also hold the key to solve water disputes like Cauvery, Mullaperiyar etc.

Food for Thought : Was this study sponsored by the Govt of Tamil Nadu?

Tendlya Ala Re

Silverine has recently commented on Tendlya in this post. Since the post was in direct response to India's win against West Indies in the last one dayer, we will try and take a look at Sachin Tendulkar's One Day record.

Tendlya Baiter : You know , whenever Tendulkar plays well, India loses. I almost pray that he doesnt do well nowadays.

Tendlya Fan : What have you been smoking , TB? 29 times that Tendulkar scored a century , India has gone on to win. In fact Tendulkar's average of 57.08 in matches India has won is way better than his average of 32.20 when India loses.

Tendlya Baiter : I grant you that , but most of his centuries seem to come against cricketing minnows.

Tendlya Fan : Must have my dictionary updated. Never knew they changed the definition of 'minnows'. He has scored the most number of centuries - 7 each - against Australia and Sri Lanka.

Tendlya Baiter : He is just too old, man. He should be dropped from the World Cup team.

Tendlya Fan : Now you are just talking through your hat. If you really think India has got five batsmen better than Tendlya, all I can say is,"Wake up dude".

Tendlya Baiter : I dont know , I just hate the little bugger. Iam off to Madagascar.

Tendlya Fan : Take care the sun doesnt touch your head, Wiseguy.Me, Iam off to where all the bright people are going - to the Carribean.